Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
