Are we in a gay sports bar?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
