Who did Billy Mays play for?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Houston, we have a squirter
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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