there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
