Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
