am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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