Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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