I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
