He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Someone came in the potted fern
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
