i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
