And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
