I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
