is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
