Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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