where am i from again
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
