There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
