I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
