so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
