Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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