The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
