I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
