I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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