I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
