john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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