he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
