She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
