note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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