Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
