Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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