Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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