I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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