Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
