It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have fence marks all over my body
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
