I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
