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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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