Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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