yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
