May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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