Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What a dumb baby whore.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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