Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
