Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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