Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
