Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
