I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Your dad touched me again.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
