I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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