Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
