am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
