When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
