I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
