Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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