You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
