what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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