I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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