Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
