God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize