watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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