i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We need to rekindle our bromance
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
