One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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