If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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