I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
