i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
