it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
