I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
