People in love make me want to vomit
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize