He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize