i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
