Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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