Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
