i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
