i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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