worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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