Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
