My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
