i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
