He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
