you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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