Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
