They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
