this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
