is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
