why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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