Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
