i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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