Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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