I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need to align my fucking chakras
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
