Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
