i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
