how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
