I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
