even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
