yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
