y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
