dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize