what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
