If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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