omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize