If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize