the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
