My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize