Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
