This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
