Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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